I'm going to be 22 in 36 days, where did the time fly? What have I done in these 22 years that God has given me that amounts to anything? I graduated high school. I've spent the last almost 4 years now taking care of my grandmother and cousin and cleaning house, and cooking. But still it seems like my life is a failure, like i have nothing to show for the past 4 years, my family doesn't like me, or my convictions I have. I'm sure to some degree they like me, but they don't show it like I think they should. I've never had a real job outside of the home, I worked i a firework stand years ago for maybe 3 days but that's it. I've never been to college, I've just been at home. Waiting for God to send me the one, or send me a way to go to bible college. I've made some mistakes in my years at home, many I regret, though they are forgiven they are still mistakes and regrets.
I've been trying to improve my health since October, weight-wise, and I'm doing good there, but I don't see any successes outside of that.
I'm praying to God that He shows me where He wants me to go, or what He wants me to do, or what He wants for me, but He seems ever so quiet at times. I don't want to live in this house forever, I don't want to have a failed life. God has called me to be a missionary's wife, and what am I doing to get towards that?
I'm just saddened by some things and wondering what will happen in my future. People at church tell me I need to go to college and I think I would drop everything and go to Bible College if I had the money, I'm tired of how things are going on here, there's no real love here, just strife.
I want to make this next year be a year that I'm not a failure, I can't keep doing the same things over and over and over again.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It's insanity if I think doing the same thing day in and day out will change anything in my life.
Well I guess this is all my musings for today.
God bless and thanks for reading.
Mandy Marie
