I'm going to be 22 in 36 days, where did the time fly? What have I done in these 22 years that God has given me that amounts to anything? I graduated high school. I've spent the last almost 4 years now taking care of my grandmother and cousin and cleaning house, and cooking. But still it seems like my life is a failure, like i have nothing to show for the past 4 years, my family doesn't like me, or my convictions I have. I'm sure to some degree they like me, but they don't show it like I think they should. I've never had a real job outside of the home, I worked i a firework stand years ago for maybe 3 days but that's it. I've never been to college, I've just been at home. Waiting for God to send me the one, or send me a way to go to bible college. I've made some mistakes in my years at home, many I regret, though they are forgiven they are still mistakes and regrets.
I've been trying to improve my health since October, weight-wise, and I'm doing good there, but I don't see any successes outside of that.
I'm praying to God that He shows me where He wants me to go, or what He wants me to do, or what He wants for me, but He seems ever so quiet at times. I don't want to live in this house forever, I don't want to have a failed life. God has called me to be a missionary's wife, and what am I doing to get towards that?
I'm just saddened by some things and wondering what will happen in my future. People at church tell me I need to go to college and I think I would drop everything and go to Bible College if I had the money, I'm tired of how things are going on here, there's no real love here, just strife.
I want to make this next year be a year that I'm not a failure, I can't keep doing the same things over and over and over again.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It's insanity if I think doing the same thing day in and day out will change anything in my life.
Well I guess this is all my musings for today.
God bless and thanks for reading.
Mandy Marie
Hi Mandy,
ReplyDeleteI know we don't know each other except through these blogs and our youtube accounts (mine is autumnkathleen) but as I read your post I thought I would leave you an encouraging comment letting you know that I will be praying for you. Keep your head up and continue to trust in the Lord's guidance even when it seems your joy is gone. Though I don't personally relate to all your circumstances I do understand how hard it can be waiting on the Lord in certain areas.
By the way I am going to be 21 in 17 days :)
Ashley
Oh I almost forgot! HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! :D
DeleteThankyou! :)
DeleteHi there, thank you for your comment and for your encouragement, I needed it. My life isn't always bad, I was just having one of those days lol, God has been answering prayers for me lately, some really quickly which those are the ones where we think those are the greatest, but you know the ones where He tells us to wait or tells us no those are still great. God knows just what we need and when we need it. Who am I to say when I need something?
ReplyDeleteMaybe God has answered my prayers about Bible College already with a no or with a wait. what if I do go to college only to find out that I missed the one because of it lol. Yes I know lots of questions, that only the Lord can answer. I know that God will give me the one in His perfect timing and not mine. :)
I've been doing better since this post, which is good :)
Again thank you for the encouraging comment :)
God bless you!
Hi Mandy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting/following my blog.
I read this post and wanted to cry for you. WOW! Life can be painfully hard even while we are trying to follow the Lord. I do know that prayer time is key to my life. Sometimes I feel better after it and other times I'm still crying. But through it all the Lord is there and He really does carry His children along. I pray you are doing better as you mentioned in a previous comment. Prayers for you, Friend :-)
Hi Laurie,
DeleteYou're welcome, thank you for following and visiting mine, your brother suggested your blog, I follow him on Twitter.
Life can be painfully hard. I'm still doing the same things, but most of the time it's better, there are those moments when I have struggles or when I'm upset but for the most part it's going good. One of the biggest problems is leaving on May 17th for a long time and my house (well mom's house) will be a whole lot more peaceful.
Thank you for your prayers and for your kind words and advice, it's a blessing.
God bless you :)
Mandy Marie